I louth the night

If it’s not the PTSD and my fear of the dark..  Like the flashbacks and nightmares weren’t enough..  There’s the hell BPD..  That fear of loneliness can only sneak up on you at 1 AM because no one is up and you are alone.. Rationally I know I’m alone because everyone is asleep is normally sleep at this time.. But being rationale is not with BPD is for I have the piercing thoughts everyone hates me. that’s not that they’re not picking up the phone because their sleep but because they said Muh Destiny and they pushed ignore.. They’re ignoring me and they hate me. if they hate me then they must want me to die… I don’t even know how to begin how to stressing that thought it is but I go through it every night..  They hate me and I must want me dead… Its taking every bit of mustard and me to not pick up the phone and start text how much I hate people because I know that they hate me and I know that they want me dead and I know that they’re ignoring because at the end of the day that just pushes people away logically I know but somehow I can’t make myself believe..  I’m pretty sure that I’m going to die from loneliness despite what the name of this blog’s says..  It will be the death of me..  Will be a good girl will not anyone no I will I call anyone out of their names in anger.. I will be rational
I will tolerate this..