Monday, February 13, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT
some of MY STORY...
just looked at this movie.. not a movie i should have been looking at i know that *smh and cry now* in the movie this girl was one a date... she went back to his house they where kissing and she said stop but he didn't stop he raped her... in my heart i know that its a movie its not real they are acting.. so why am i like these?
i was 15 yr. old when my boyfriend at the time raped me... i don't remember it all tonight.. not that i want to.. i really don't trip off it a lot for the most part... sometime i can recall all of it and grate deal and sometimes like to night all i can recall are bits and pieces.. i need to get these out if that's ok... i was 15 and he was about the same age... it happen and the summer.. it was in July.. it was right after 5 kids from my church died.. it was a swimming accident.. i wasn't there with them at the river that day but i was going to go if i didn't already have to go to my aunts bday dinner that day... one of my real close friend's lost 3 his brothers and 1 sister that day... so i didn't know who to talk to about it.. just knew i wouldn't going to talk to him and my best friend was out of town and my other best idk y but we didn't talk that much.. so the next person was my boyfriend and i was so down.. and out of it.. i think the day after i just started walking didn't know where i was going just walked and he was trying to get me to go home but i was just walking for hours.. so i was not in a gd mind set... at that time i never had sex before other then the times i was raped and i was just getting over all of that... even did this reclame my virginity thing at church.. so he was trying to get me sleep with him.. and i said ok.. we went to the store together.. i was up for not really but i said it was ok.. then we where at my house on my bed and he was on top of my kissing me.. i didn't like it.. i told him to stop he didn't.. it start to.. will you know and was crying screaming tell "no" "stop" "i cant" "this hurts" "i don't want to do these", but he would stop.. he put his over my face and just went harder.. at these time i just cried... i know remember if i was loud or not quit when i was cry just know my eyes where burn when he was done.. it hurt SO bad.. i remember thinking i was so dirty and i ran in the bathroom and lucked the door.. cried so much i throw up and then i was in the tub clean it all off and out.. i know i was know so much pain down there.. i don't know why i thought soup with make the pain stop... these is getting really hard to right but i'm going to push thou these and just say it... hated he after that.. but we dated for about 2 or 3 more weeks after that.. the sad part was a few days after that i was so mad about it and he took my virginity i fuck him... good... i didn't want that to be the story on how i "lost it" i want to make it right.. after i did that one week latter i didn't think anyone would believe that i got raped and then had sex with my rapist a few days latter... i didn't tell anyone what really happened for a lone time.. no even my best friend..
just looked at this movie.. not a movie i should have been looking at i know that *smh and cry now* in the movie this girl was one a date... she went back to his house they where kissing and she said stop but he didn't stop he raped her... in my heart i know that its a movie its not real they are acting.. so why am i like these?
i was 15 yr. old when my boyfriend at the time raped me... i don't remember it all tonight.. not that i want to.. i really don't trip off it a lot for the most part... sometime i can recall all of it and grate deal and sometimes like to night all i can recall are bits and pieces.. i need to get these out if that's ok... i was 15 and he was about the same age... it happen and the summer.. it was in July.. it was right after 5 kids from my church died.. it was a swimming accident.. i wasn't there with them at the river that day but i was going to go if i didn't already have to go to my aunts bday dinner that day... one of my real close friend's lost 3 his brothers and 1 sister that day... so i didn't know who to talk to about it.. just knew i wouldn't going to talk to him and my best friend was out of town and my other best idk y but we didn't talk that much.. so the next person was my boyfriend and i was so down.. and out of it.. i think the day after i just started walking didn't know where i was going just walked and he was trying to get me to go home but i was just walking for hours.. so i was not in a gd mind set... at that time i never had sex before other then the times i was raped and i was just getting over all of that... even did this reclame my virginity thing at church.. so he was trying to get me sleep with him.. and i said ok.. we went to the store together.. i was up for not really but i said it was ok.. then we where at my house on my bed and he was on top of my kissing me.. i didn't like it.. i told him to stop he didn't.. it start to.. will you know and was crying screaming tell "no" "stop" "i cant" "this hurts" "i don't want to do these", but he would stop.. he put his over my face and just went harder.. at these time i just cried... i know remember if i was loud or not quit when i was cry just know my eyes where burn when he was done.. it hurt SO bad.. i remember thinking i was so dirty and i ran in the bathroom and lucked the door.. cried so much i throw up and then i was in the tub clean it all off and out.. i know i was know so much pain down there.. i don't know why i thought soup with make the pain stop... these is getting really hard to right but i'm going to push thou these and just say it... hated he after that.. but we dated for about 2 or 3 more weeks after that.. the sad part was a few days after that i was so mad about it and he took my virginity i fuck him... good... i didn't want that to be the story on how i "lost it" i want to make it right.. after i did that one week latter i didn't think anyone would believe that i got raped and then had sex with my rapist a few days latter... i didn't tell anyone what really happened for a lone time.. no even my best friend..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)