Random thoughts of a confused Borderline

This so awkward..  Ppl makes a big deal about adolescence but then the young adulthood is hard as shit too..  I'm constantly trying to find myself.. find what I'm believing in.. how I feel about all the opinions of the world..  And it is really really really hard..  Trying to figure out your sexuality, your religion, your spirituality, your politic views..  Its all exhausting..  I'm sitting here trying to find the right balance of respecting myself, my family, my culture, and my spirituality..  But also trying to form my own opinion on the world and sexism and racism and equality...  There's so much things that is so far left or far right that I honestly can't set with it and I'm trying to find that middle ground..  And I don't think most people understand that the reason why I can't 100% agree and stay on the same mindset.. Is Because as I try to grow and find out different views on the situation my view sometimes changes in the process..   Yes I am religious and I am modest and yes I am a feminist..  I'm a hijabi and I'm also queer..  I am sensitive..  I am Black.. I have mental illness and I am trying to recover..  I'm also trying to be happy but most of the time I'm really sad..  My identity is not just one single narrative! it is all these things and more I am so complex and I hate when someone puts me in little boxes and just wants to keep me there.. I'm okay with your labels but just because I fall into a label doesn't mean that I am NOT other labels at the same time because I am a human and I am complex and also please love me...  I talk a lot and I have bad grammar and I have all these feelings that I want the world to know..  Also please love me..  I smile to you with tears in my eyes please love me...  I want you to know that even if we have different opinions are different views I am NOT (not open to hearing your beautiful options on the world).  Me not agreeing has nothing to do about my feelings about you don't be scared to challenge what I say.. don't be scared to disagree with me because I love stimulating conversation and I love you..  And also please love me too..  I am clingy and I am a mess and I'm probably bad for you..  And also please love me

I'm a bag of broken bones but I'll still love you

Might trigger Idk *random thoughts*
Thinking about you again..  It's a happy thought but I still cry.. Thinking about how you bit my check.. I didn't bit you back (I regret that) thinking about how you make it your goal to keep  me safe even when I could know longer do that for myself..  I don't say thank you enough (I regret that).. I miss your worth..  It's not even sexual.. I miss the mutual touch..  So holy and safe.. So free and heart worming..  See the thing about having a very short list of ppl that can touch you..  Is no one can ever touch you..  Sometimes I want to to change and someone tries to hold my hand and give me a hug. And I just cringe at the thought..   Don't touch me!  is what my bone cry out..  I still ak from person touched me..  My bones still hurt from that day..  I don't know if I'll ever be the same..  I'm just a bag or broken bones..  I'm no one first pick..  But I'm ok with that just along as I have you..  I am starting to see..  My old bag of bone will never be whole..  It's not that I don't understand why you wouldn't want me back (the same why I long for you) it's just sad..  Yea that's the word..  SAD...  I remember you today..  It was happy but I still cried because at the same time thinking about you makes me sad..

Trichotillomania update

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HS8889IslI&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Self esteem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ER4BK-2VzU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Happy New Year's

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAEQawo-7xc&feature=youtube_gdata_player